happy on Friday mornings

His name is Flare. Of course that's not his real name. It happens to come from a bulletin we had passed but I don't mind. He's all I've ever wanted. HE is the answer to my prayers.

There were hound dogs tracking me down St Johns Blvd. They passed but found me the second time round. I ran. Made my way into the house. But he came through my window and I couldn't help but feel he had come to save me. Like I was the Princess stuck in the castle for all her days until he found her.

When I was nine my mother died. She possessed powers. Powers I inherited but never learned to use. Dad kept them secret. I'm 20 now and being hunted by vampires. vampires studying at a liberal arts school. In the middle of working on a cast of Wizard of Oz the leader sniffs the situation... I am alive. HE has not done his job.

He has a dog named Uno who looks more vicious than any animal I have ever imagined. After nearly mauling me he sits straight and softly presses his paw on the top of my hand. I feel relief. I feel comfort.

We talk we stare and in what feels like no time at all.. our lips collide.

He was gentle and knew what he was doing. His face much more mature than mine. His muscles sweating, bulging. Round face, blue eyes, black shirt. He answered my questions to the most vague extent. Why? Who? What's next?

Dad started shooting rounds downstairs with the automatic. I knew time was running out.

Bursting in came Mandy. We escape. Flee down the stairs, through the green house, round the garden and across the highway.

We stop and I eventually catch my breath. When I do, I say the most shocking of statements. "I'm in love". She looks at me awkwardly, she has never heard me talk like this. I realize I've never heard me talk like this. Yes I repeat reassuringly in my head, yes. "I'M IN LOVE!", still nothing. I take a more serious tone, "Do you hear me? I love him".

He makes his way back as if he never lost sight of us. When I spot him I'm still short of breath. I try to steady my breathing. Deep breaths. I've never felt more relieved. Exhale, now smile. I throw my arms around his waist. He returns with an intense hug of his own and at that moment I know I will never feel vulnerable again.

Ashley appears. Keeping a close eye and in slow strides we follow the sidewalk.
Flare boosts me on top of his shoulders like Dad did when I was a little girl.
I feel rude realizing I haven't introduced my notable, my new found love. And then I realize.. I myself don't remember catching his name. So I ask. He glances around and replies in French. "Excuse me?" And when he replies again I think he says Flare de Luc. He hesitated. I don't believe him. So he hesitated? I don't care. I flash a smile of satisfaction.

"Flare this is Ashley and Mandy. Mandy and Ashley meet Flare".

I'm overwhelmed by happiness and I open my eyes. I'm awake but where is he?

More Important Things to Do

Today I've been deeply moved and reminded that I will NEVER be twenty again and that time is about to move faster and less kindly than I expect.

I'm in the process of reading CANCER IS A Bitch by Gail Konop Baker. So far.. so good. Her writing has caught me off guard a few times. Occasionally she will talk as if she is speaking in her head and I feel left lingering and thinking, was she just speaking in her head?

CANCER IS A Bitch makes me feel good for not often taking experiences, precious rare moments and even not the so great moments for granted. It'll all be over one day.. let today be good.

May today be good.
May you let love in.
May I bless your heart,
where shall I begin?
I bless your body.
I bless your life.
I bless your family and any strife.
May moments be merry.
May moments be bright.
May you remember the possibilities are out of your sight.
Please open your eyes.
Please go for the gold.
Please do what your heart tells you.
May you never grow old.


"I smell fear in the parched space between our lips -- sour and brittle; laced with all the things we forgot to say, all the times we didn't love one another enough".

Dear Ryan,

I want to take a chance.
When I look at you my knees get weak.
When I'm in your arms I can hardly speak.
You 'ought to know you are the one love,
that I adore.
I hope you never tell me lies.
I'm captured by your charm.
I can't wait to put lipstick on your collar.
I can't help myself,
I want you and nobody else.
I want to tease you during the day and please you at night.
I'll be your thrill after dark.
Only thing is I come and I go.
Changing with every new day.
Lose your dreams and lose your mind.
pg 1

I want to sleep in real late with you one Sunday afternoon.
Instead I'm lost in a daydream.
I've been dreaming since I woke up today,
thinking about some boy.
I want to give you more, more, more.
I want to be your baby.
Whenever you feel alone all you've got to do is call me,
run to me and I'll be there.
I'll love and squeeze you.
Just tell me how you feel and I'll give my heart to you.
You could have me all through the night.
Maybe we could even dance under the moonlight.
Hug me tight.
Do you wanna? make love under an apple tree?
Do I catch your eye?
I'd let you love me if you promised you'd never stop.
pg 2

Say that you'll be true and I'll never be blue.
If you can't be around, telephone.
I'll pick up.
I'm not make believe and neither is my love for you.
My heart I can't control.
I'll tell you what others will never know.
Let's sit down and enjoy a bottle of wine sometime and eat grapes off the vine.
I pray for the day.
Don't hold her hand, be mine.
Can I convince you with a pretty please?
Just say you will.
Everyday you're gone you know my heart only burns...

Always,
Alexandra

bye-bye Breckenridge

The sun shines, the snow falls and the living is good. Or is it?
It has come to my attention that the majority of ppl here in Breck are alchoholics, lazy potheads, unmotivated couch surfers/snowboard bums and above all, socially awkward idiots. Just ask Crystal..
Mingling with jackasses and drunks isn't my perspective of a good time, sorry Colorado.
So it's time to think of my next adventure, mission, vacation, big move.. whatever it is I'm doing. So far I've been chugging along solo but this time, I'm determined it will be different. Sure it's fun meeting new people, scoping restaurants you've never heard before and not worrying about the cute guy being interested in your girlfriend instead of you.. but what's the fun if we don't all get some? I want to share my experiences! Prefferably with my loves, my assholes, my women in combat Nance 'n Stace.
Oh how I miss you both so much. I miss giving drunk driving lectures to Ashley.. pissing Mandy off in the wee hours of the a.m.. I miss the the overflowing glasses of wine on the occassion Molly B attended the gathering, Halloween/beer pong/jiggers/jager/oatmeal cookies/and the bleeeeeeezy's @ Barb's, smokin in the attic while Mom and Dad were home, cigarrettes on the front porch, late nights at Muchas and infamous adventures with Alicia Grumbois.
I've been having a hell of a time... no doubts about that.. but maybe I'm growing up too fast? Maybe I should slow down? Take a step back? Conform... OHHHH how I hate to do that.

I'd like to enjoy the sun. I'd like to be surrounded by the people I love. I'd like to not feel alone. I'd like to be on the other side.. like always.

wishing myself luck

In less than 7 months I will be the legal age of twenty-one.
In less than 7 months I will be in Portland, OR celebrating my twenty first birthday.
In less than 7 months I will be hitting the streets of Vegas.
In less than 7 months I must be looking, fresh.

So, the plan is as follows:
30 minutes of walking everyday
No eating after 10
One weekly run
30 push ups a day
30 squats
30 v ups
30 jumping jacks
30 second plank

Yes.. I'll start with that. Adding reps when necessary.

I want tone legs and I want a flat belly. HOW DOES ONE ACHIEVE THIS? Somebody please, let me know.

I'll occassionally note how I'm doing.

In Love with the Glove

They are black leather with brass studs and 100% lambswool. I slip them on and feel myself transform. Ordinary me suddenly becomes sexy, stylish, slighty mysterious me.

They are essential I decide.
I buy them.


And so, I've aquired my first of many accessory essentials. And damn, does it feels good.

Be Gone CHEAP NOVELTY

For every woman who wants to be well and properly dressed on all occasions, this is a guide for you.

A

Accessories

You can always tell the character of a woman by the care and attention she lavishes upon the details of her dress. The accessories worn with an outfit --- gloves, hat, shoes and handbag --- are among the most imporant elements of an elegant appearance. A modest dress or suit can triple its face value when worn with an elegant hat, bag, gloves and shoes, while a designer's originial can lose much of its presige if its accessories have been carelessly selected. It is indispensable to own a complete set of accessories in black* and, if possible, another in brown, plus a pair of beige shoes and a beige straw handbag for the summer. With this basic minimum, almost any combination is attractive.... And here, as in no other department, quality is essential. Be strict with yourself. Save. Economise on food if you must but not on your handbags or shoes. Refuse to be seduced by anything that isn't first rate. The saying, "I cannot afford to buy cheaply," was never so true... The same is true of shoes and gloves.

Upon reading this I immediately looked down at my handbag. It's a faded forest green shoulder strap, covered in various bumpersticker like pins. It's also a pathetic excuse for a purse.
I empty the conents and stow it away. It happens to be borrowed and I can't very well toss it here and now.